And just like that, another year has passed, and I find myself contemplating life after having spent the past 13 years confined to a wheelchair. As previously stated, it feels like July 3 is my true birthday. This is the day that became the first day of the rest of my life, and the marker I choose to celebrate. It seems to get here faster and faster every year.
Inevitably, as it approaches people ask me how I’m feeling. Has it gotten more difficult? Do I miss things? Do I feel emotional? Well, duh, I think that’s obvious. However, I also find myself overcome with a feeling of indifference. It is what it is. It’s been 13 years, and if I haven’t adjusted yet, I might never.
So it’s here that I find myself.
But in some aspect this past year has been one of the tougher years for me. Putting aside inconveniences like surgeries, UTIs, and typical SCI ailments, a myriad of other challenges have presented themselves. Challenges such as nursing/aide shortages have placed a heavier reliance on my family to pick up the slack. The physical toll of an aging and weakening body has continued to wear me down.
I have found myself spending far too much time thinking about the future as if in a race against time. There are still dreams floating around in my head I hope to accomplish – places to visit, things to do, and people to meet. As each year passes, time’s deadline ratchets up. Although I try to ground myself in the present, my mind is always further ahead calling me to catch up. It would be nice to lose sense of time for a little bit.
However, it would be a travesty to overlook the fact that I continue to feel blessed – I have an amazing family I love dearly, which in turn loves me just as deep; the ability to take advantage of things that other people in my situation cannot; control over my attitude – and believe that every day I wake up is a chance to experience something new and enriching.
In that regard, I don’t really feel any different than I did 13 years and one day ago.
There’s a picture I’ve kept on my desk since before I was injured. It has always served to keep me grounded, for things could always be worse. It’s a picture of an American World War II soldier either heading off to or coming back from battle. His face is haggard and there’s a haunting gaze of trepidation in his eyes. It serves as a powerful reminder to cherish what I have. Because when you get down to it, I’m one of the lucky ones.
Happy Independence Day! Stay safe! Feet first!
Stand Strong!
Scott
Think of you so often, Scott. Especially on Kentucky Derby Day and 4th of July. You inspire in ways you will never know. Sincerely and fondly, Martha
Thank you, Scott. I read and re-read your posts. And every time I do I get a little bit more out of them. So many of us wake up every morning and look in the mirror and see your soldier friend’s face looking back at us. The struggle is real. But like you said, the things to be grateful for are many. Every day is a gift. I love your attitude and strength.
Sending you a supportive connection through the universe–Sarah
Oh Scott, how you find blessings in the struggles is profoundly beautiful. You know that you’re in our prayers. We’re putting our heads together to see if there’s something tangible we can do to help. If you have any ideas, reach out to me. In the meanwhile, we’ll keep praying and thinking…
Ann & Tom Healey
Happy Independence Day, Scott. Blessings to you and your wonderful family!
Jody
I feel exactly the same as you. Struggling to get out of quicksand. A life changed forever.
Still an inspiration! More so today than 13 years ago.
I always appreciate your “reality”, Scott. Good advice for yourself and for us as well. Happy 4th.
You have always been one of the strongest people I know…before and after this day 13 years ago!
Love you, Scottie!
Scott as time goes on some times we all take things for granted including your relationship and what you have been through. I promise I will never forget, even though there are days when I do. You are an incredible man and you inspire me and all of us. STANDSTRONG my friend and every day make us all proud. God bless and Happy Independence Day. Mike
Tears of sadness, tears of joy, for obvious reasons you already know. May God have mercy to grant you all the time you need to fulfill those wishes you have. On your “birthday” you deserve to party like a 13 year old, and even sneak in glass of bubbly to celebrate!
Love, across the miles… XOXO