“Pray as if it all depends on God, for it does. But work as if it all depends on us, for it does.”
The above quote is attributed to St. Ignatius of Loyola, the patron saint of my high school alma mater, where I spoke to the freshman student body a few months ago. I remember reading about a pastor who quoted Ignatius during his sermon the Sunday after 9/11. The pastor had cited the quote in the hopes of helping explain why bad things happen to good people – a question as old as time itself, that I’m sure we all have pondered several times throughout our lives. I used the quote during my speech to the students and framed it around the same question. The truth is, it is easy to question God’s way of doing things even though we may never understand or comprehend it, at least not while on this earth.
Like most people, I too struggle with trying to find an answer to explain why kindhearted parents lose their three kids in a car accident, yet they survive, only to have to live out their days without their children; or why a young, innocent child suffers so much, never having the opportunity to appreciate all of the beauty and greatness life has to offer. We are constantly bombarded with the devastating reminders of how much pain surrounds us. And yet if you look closely, you will find there is a story of triumph and joy to match every story of heartache and suffering.
However, I personally don’t believe that one equals one. I get excited to hear about individuals accomplishing great things, such as Dick Hoyt completing Ironman triathlons while pushing his son, Ricky, a spastic quadriplegic who suffers from cerebral palsy, because it makes Ricky happy. If you are unfamiliar with the story of Team Hoyt you really should check them out (www.teamhoyt.com). But as uplifting as team Hoyt’s story is, it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with receiving the news that a high school friend has a son suffering from inoperable brain cancer. The jubilation of one story does not erase the anguish of another story. The fact remains that there is so much hurt and sorrow in this world, and only God understands His plan.
I don’t know what it was that prompted me to write about this today, but for some reason this question weighed on my mind when I awoke this morning. Inevitably, as we move through our lives, we must learn to take the good with the bad, the sweet with the sour and the joy with the pain. This past Thursday would certainly qualify as the latter for me.
While working out at Buckeye Wellness Center during one of my biweekly sessions I did something I haven’t done it more than 27 months. I voluntarily lifted my foot off the ground on command! I didn’t see it when it happened, nor could I feel it, but the event was recorded and is pasted below.
I was able to do this during my fourth session of physical therapy at the gym. I have been eagerly waiting for quite some time to start aggressively working out again on a regular basis, and obviously my muscles are responding. Small victories like this are cause for great prayer and thanks to God and reminders that hard work still counts for something. Driving home from the gym I was extremely exhausted but also filled with a sense of joy. Once I arrived back at my apartment I called my dad to share the good moose. While talking to him, I yawned and…CRACK! Suddenly my neck jolted forward and I knew immediately that the other rod in my neck had just snapped.
The joy I was feeling was quickly abandoned and replaced with a feeling of pain that has remained with me since Thursday. Unfortunately, this rod is giving me much more headache than the previous rod that broke. I have not been able to find a position, either in bed or in my chair that alleviates discomfort. Muscle relaxants and heating pads have been as close to me as my best friends, but have not proved as reliable. Nonetheless, I still plan on sticking to my therapy schedule. The last thing I want to do right now is lose any momentum I am gaining from consistent workouts. And speaking of best friends, I am very thankful that Bryan is organizing the tailgate event to raise money for these therapy sessions. Unfortunately, I had hoped to attend the event, but don’t think I will be in a position to do so now.
Joy and pain. Good and bad. Heartache and triumph. Regardless of how we choose to live our lives, one thing is certain, at some point we all will experience the sweet and sour life has to offer. While we can’t possibly seek to understand why some things happen, we can control the way we choose to let them affect us. We can also choose whether or not we accept God into our lives. I hate living with a spinal cord injury, I hate the ups and downs, the unpredictable and uncontrollable. But I would hate to think how much worse it would be if I was going through this alone without Him in my life. I will continue to work hard because I have seen how much it matters. But I will never stop praying as I have felt how much it matters. Thank you to everyone for your continued prayers and support.
Stand strong!
Scott