“Not to spoil the ending, but everything is going to be okay.” – Anonymous
The Fourth of July used to be my favorite holiday.
I always loved the festivities that surrounded Independence Day: hanging out with wonderful friends, enjoying some great food and reveling at the pageantry of all the local firework displays. It certainly marked a time for celebration.
And then came July 3, 2009. The day I lost all my independence.
A few days ago was my anniversary of living with a spinal cord injury. People always ask me if I feel any different or more melancholy every year when the third of July rolls around. My response has always been the same – no different than July 2nd or July 4th or any other day for that matter.
When you live with something every day, it never goes away.
But this year was different. This year marked year five. For whatever reason, someone long ago arbitrarily decided that we should assign more meaning to nice whole numbers like 5, 10, and 25. And a small part of me bought into this philosophy. So as the day approached, I found myself thinking more about my injury and the fact that it has in fact been five years. My mind soon filled up with thoughts of what things might look like had I jumped feet first instead.
What would my family look like? Would I be a father? Would Christmas Eve be an all-night extravaganza of wrapping presents in time for morning? Would the kitchen look like a tornado ripped through it on weekend mornings after making pancakes for everyone? Etc. etc. etc.
A lot of questions have been answered since I broke my neck. A lot still remained unanswered.
As I thought about these things, I didn’t find myself feeling sorry for myself or more somber than I have before. I will admit, there were moments when I wished I could answer the questions my mind raised, but just because it’s supposed to be some milestone date doesn’t mean this was the first time those same questions were posed.
I have had five years to think about those same things. People don’t just think about things that are important to them on important days. They think about all the time. And I’m no different. But it’s the lucky ones who learn to be happy and live content even with the unanswered questions.
I consider myself a lucky one.
Not because I’ve learned to not obsess on what might have been, but because I’m able to realize what is. I’m alive. By all accounts, I should have died five years ago. And maybe a small part of me did, but a small part of me was also awakened and given another lease on life.
I am lucky because a lot of other questions have been answered. Questions that were first asked five years ago. What will my life look like? Will I be able to enjoy things anymore or is the fun over? Will I be happy? Will I want to live? Will things ever be the same again? The answers have been better than I expected.
And so, I made sure to embrace July 3rd for what it is – a new beginning.
As has become my custom, I spent some time down at the lake. Mostly just looking out across the water and breathing in the lake air. Ironically, one of the things I miss the most is the water. I still enjoy a sense of peace, as well as exhilaration, when I’m near the water. I relish the emotions that the crashing waves can churn up inside of me. I’m glad I haven’t lost that love.
I also started a new custom. I made sure to do something that I was told five years ago I would never be able to do again. Although it wasn’t a record-breaking performance, I did manage to sit unassisted on the edge of the table during my workout. A small, yet symbolic gesture to remind myself that all my independence has in fact not been lost. I can’t wait to see what next year brings!
Yep, the Fourth of July is still my favorite holiday.
Stand Strong!
Scott
BTW sit up in five years, what will be happening in 5 more? And what about 5 more? Remember the West Memphis Three…thats a new bro anthem to you…those kids did NOTHING and just got out of jail…
They were in jail for 18 years…
And now they are free men, to do whatever they want.
You can do whatever you want right now…
Scott…
I bet ya a million bucks that if you hadnt broke your neck we wouldnt have reconnected…
I bet ya if you didnt break your neck, you would have probably done something else stupid which may have killed you (like a bull, or an accident involving a plane or skydiving ??? OR ???)
I bet ya if you hadnt broke your neck you would have never thought of any of the amazing and inspiring things that you have shared in a lot of these posts (almost every one that i have read)…
And I bet ya if you hadnt broke your neck I wouldnt have bought a bike helmet…\
And may killed myself when I hit a pole recently (and couldve broke my neck–just a bad bruise and a broken rib)…
I bet ya I wouldnt have been inspired by you to stop by and visit some kids at the Y and tell them about how important it is when you jump into a pool or a lake to always make sure and double check what the depth of what you are jumping into is…
And I bet ya I wouldnt have talked to my yoga students about just checking into anything in life before you just jump in…
Because we only get one try at this one…
And trust me brother, there is a very good reason you didnt die that July 3rd a couple years ago…
And that is why you are in my life and I have been way too out of touch with YOU but there is also a reason for that…
I have been studying more and more yoga and I am convinced that our body is more just a bag of skin…
Some people’s work better than others…
Some people’s get messed up pretty bad…
But I TRULY BELIEVE THAT YOU JUST HAVE TO CONVINCE YOUR MIND THAT IT WILL BE JUST FINE AND KEEP TRYING AS HARD AS YOU CAN TO PHYSICALLY DO EVERYTHING THE WAY YOU USED TO…
And I truly believe deep deep down in my soul that you will.
You just have to convince yourself that and keep trying. It’s just your body. You are way more than just a body.
You are a powerful soul with as much power as any other. We are all super powerful.
Don’t let anyone ever try to tell you anything else.
I love you man.
I love the fourth of July.
I just sat at home this year and didnt move much. I didnt even really go out and watch any fireworks. But I was never more happy and appreciative and more open to the universe.
You inspire me daily. Keep trying and working and some day soon you will be doing yoga poses with me…
Scott, you never cease to amaze me and inspire me. God has surely blessed you with a wonderful mind and a beautiful spirit. God bless and keep you always. Cherry
Scott, you keep me strong. Thank you for this entry. I love you, cousin.
What a great reflection. You have come so far and have inspired so many in the past five years! I look forward to all you have yet to do 😉
Love
Ricky & Patty
This is you:
“Reporting for Duty”
Lord Jesus, I give this day to You. I present myself to You
to use in any way You choose. Assign me to serve as You wish.
Use my mind, my voice, my hands, my heart.
I will gladly share with others what You have done for me.
I will share my life, my heart, my resources.
I will lay hands on the sick and be an avenue
for Your healing power.
I will be courageous in walking where you ask me to walk
and saying what You prompt me to say.
When I hear Your voice I will say “Yes Lord”
with a soft and open heart.
I will be an instrument of reconciliation today.
I will love, love, love. I will love, love, love.
I will receive others in love and pray for them.
Each one I meet today, Lord, will be touched
by the power of Your love flowing through me.
And when the day is over I will return it all to You in gratitude.
I will rest and open myself so you can restore me
and prepare me for the next day when I report for duty.
My pastor gave this to me just recently and I knew I just had to send it to you….
joyce and karen fedorcek
Hi Scott
Mom’s would always say”sit up straight young man”,and you are! Good Job!
We keep you in our Daily prayers>>and we check with dad at church on what’s happening too.
My hubby,Don is coming along better each day also,after crashing,and being brought back to life.
Your in our thoughts>>>>>>>>>>>>
Carol & Don
Scott, you are amazing…..
hi scott, you are definitely an extraordinary man, a true overcomer. people that have overcome such obstacles as you have as i have and so many others truely are extraordinary overcomers. scott i learned this fact by the hope i received from reading the Bible and reading Your letters here along with the new experiences in the new life. your faith in your wrighting is so much hope for us all. we appreciate you scott. God Bless!!
Scott,
I am thinking that you have a new bucket list. I hope on of the items is that you will be writing a book. Your ability to move us with your words is amazing. You truly have a gift.
Scott, you are in my prayers daily. Thank you for writing this blog. You never fail to amaze me. As others have written, I love reading your thoughts and observations. You are a very grateful person.
Thank you for sharing that. God bless you!
Thanks for ALWAYS inspiring. You pull at my heartstrings every time I read your posts. You are truly a remarkable human being – one that God has to be so proud of (I see God smiling on you now).
Thanks for blessing us with your life.
God Bless You – Mary
God bless you my friend…every post makes me smile and inspires me more.
Keep the faith!
Scott, Your connection with water is my connection with you….you warm my heart! Congratulations
Holy Cow, my friend, you look marvelous! Happy July 7th, 2014 🙂
Scott,
Seeing your post is my reminder to begin my rosary; you’re always one of my intentions. 5 years is a significant anniversary, and it’s a milestone that lets you and everyone else know that you haven’t let the difficulties of life defeat you; you have 5 years of moving forward to prove it. We lost our son 5 years ago in April (07 St Ignatius grad) and we know that those milestones can both be painful reminders and yet also milestones of progress. Continued prayers and gratitude to you for showing so many of us the meaning of courage.
Amazing, Scott. Thank you…and congratulations on the workout. That’s really an accomplishment, given what you’ve been through the last few weeks.
Wow, five years. Thank you for all of your reflection and sharing. Congratulations on sitting up!
It’s been a while Scott, but I want you to know I think of you often and keep you in my prayers. You’re accomplishments always amaze me and I look forward to your next post. Keep up the good work! You are a blessing and an inspiration to many.
God bless you.
Sue
Thank you Scott for sharing this. Your words are real and you are an inspiration!
Mate, you’ve definitely got a connection with water because you’ve sent out emotions over vast oceans. A beautiful read. Blood brothers!
Looking good bro..
Congratulations on sitting up unassisted. Each step is a milestone. You are a wonderful young man and your perseverance is remarkable. Keep it up!
Good for you being able to sit up unassisted during your workout.
Powerful thoughts and words from a powerful, strong person. you really do put it in perspective for us. Much Love
Amazon post Scott so glad to hear you are doing well.
Scott, you always amaze me…..love reading your thoughts.