Tuesday – 8/10/2010

“Whenever you take a step forward, you are bound to disturb something”

Today’s quote refers to Progress.  It was another busy week.  I continue to have a lot of great people visit me.  Last week I received a visit from a friend I had met through work.  He had been in a very serious accident last year that left him laid up for quite awhile.  I asked him what helped get him through the tough times and he shared with me a lesson that had been passed on to him – celebrate every victory no matter how small.  Good advice when you really think about it.  I often find myself too focused on wanting the big result that I might tend to look past the smaller victories.  My dad is usually the one who constantly reminds me of the progress I am making even when it is something small and simple.  I have told myself I am going to make an active choice to focus on celebrating every little victory.

My Best Man and best friend, Bryan, drove in from Boston to spend some time with me this past weekend.  Bryan has been there for me since the accident.  He was at the hospital days after I was first injured, organized a successful fundraiser for me at Lehigh, visited me for a few days in December and is currently working on another fundraiser for me. He continues to offer support whenever I need it.  It was great to spend the past weekend with him.  We got to hang out quite a bit and just talk about anything and everything.  We spent one day over at Crocker Park to see a movie and imbibe at a wine bar.  Kristy was able to join us as well, and it was a great day.

We saw the IMAX version of Inception.  I got in for free, which surprised me.  However, now that I know this is one of the perks of breaking my neck I plan to go to the movies a lot more often.  I thought Inception was a great movie.  It is all about the power of dreams.  As I sat in the theatre watching the movie it caused me to reflect on the dreams I have.  In my dreams I am always whole.  By this I mean I function the same way I did before my injury with one exception – I am aware that I was injured, recovered and now seem a bit more guarded.  I am an SCI survivor who has been restored to complete health.  The latest dream I had was about me sitting in the living room of my parents’ home.  I was sitting in a chair and began to move my arms and hands.  It felt so real.  In the dream, the first thing I wanted to do was touch Kristy’s face and hug her.  I did this and then took her to the County Fair.  At the fair, all I wanted to do was play games that tested my dexterity.  I threw darts at targets, tried to throw hula hoops over blocks, tossed balls into baskets and shot rifles at targets.  I won every game I played and a lot of stuffed animals in the process.  Then I woke up.

Waking up is always the hardest part.  I am excited for each new day, yet one of my first thoughts is always I HATE BEING PARALYZED!  This thought never ever leaves my mind.  I can suppress it at times, but it is always there and ready to fill my mind if I don’t keep it occupied with some other thought.  People consistently tell me I have a great attitude, great sense of humor, rarely complain, seem to be taking this so well, etc., but that doesn’t change the fact that I hate being paralyzed.  I hate it.  I can’t believe I broke my friggen neck, how could I have done such a thing, and who do I blame for diving in that lake?  Me, God, Mother Nature for the low water levels?  I have yet to find the answer; I often tell people the hardest part about accepting this injury is that there is no one to blame.  I wish there was.  I wish I could have head planted off of one of the many bulls I used to ride; my chute failed to open from one of the sky diving jumps I made; I took a rough hit while playing Rugby at Lehigh or I just plain snapped my neck goofing around.  If one of those things would have happened I would have no problem pointing a finger at myself for breaking my neck.  I just have a hard time pointing a finger at myself over the events that lead to my injury.  I don’t want blame to have to be the answer I need in order to fully accept things, but I have yet to find a way for me to keep my mind at ease. Being out and about is great, but a constant reminder that I now live in a new and different world that I did before.  My broken neck is my Inception and I have yet to find my “kick” to wake me up (go see the movie and this will all make sense).

Nonetheless, I continue to enjoy my time out on the town and with friends.   Last night was a great way to cap off the week.  Matt and Bonnie paid me a surprise visit and gave me a great gift that I intend to use over and over and over.  Dave was also here to work on my Range of Motion.  The fundraiser we have planned is geared towards raising money to continue to solicit Dave’s services.  So far, all the time he has spent with my therapy has been volunteer work – time that he is with me and not at his business with clients.  It is our hope that the fundraiser will allow me to continue the services for another six months.

I have posted some details about the fundraiser.  It should be a great time which I plan on attending.  There will be guest bartenders serving drinks in which all tips will go towards supporting me so make sure you buy your drink from one of my bartenders and tip heavy!  There will also be a Chinese auction, a 50/50 Raffle and possibly live music from my friend’s band.  Please come out and join us if you can.  It will also be a great chance for me to personally thank all of you for the support you have shown.

Thank you so much for all your prayers and support!

Scott